


Morally French-Vanilla

by CopicsForNameless



Series: I Mistook the Mercenary for the Menace [1]
Category: Marvel
Genre: Abuse, Abuse tactics, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Avengers - Freeform, Bad Puns, Break Downs, Breaking and Entering, Cruelty, Hero!Wade, Humour, M/M, Mental Illness, Merc!Peter, Multi, Murder, Other, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Role Reversal, Role Reversal AU, Swearing, Threats, Verbal Abuse, Violence, avengers' tower, dang I'm bad at this, dubious characterization, idk man, if you need me to tag something ask, like a constant bombardment of puns, mature content, puns, realtionship will develop later, team ups, the biggest dweebs in all the land
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-07-11 12:36:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7051789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CopicsForNameless/pseuds/CopicsForNameless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A chance encounter flipped the web slinger’s life on it’s side. Now the spider has to find a way to deal with the collateral damage, and the few stranglers who've come along for the ride. </p><p>((Blue's on board!))</p><p>[[Red.]]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Calamity Before the Storm

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Boys Wear Red...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3294914) by [Orcusnox (Cat9894)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat9894/pseuds/Orcusnox). 



> This is inspired by the reverse spideypool au in 'The Boys Wear Red.' and it wouldn't exist if it weren't for Orcusnox's awesome work. So this is as good a time as any for me to recommend their work. Go, go, go, go give it a look.

     Days just didn't get much better; with the sun on his face and wind in his hair the world was sure looking up. 

Upside-down that is, and boy did New York look dashing from that angle; in all its smog and dreary glory. 

But he had worse days, and as long as he ignored the brick wall he was about to go splat on, it wasn't so bad.

 

 

     ((Enough with the narrating already! Just get to the part where you flatten like a pancake... mhmmm, pancakes.))

The whiney tone was jarring. Or it could of been his spidey-senses, screaming at him. Either way he growled at the intrusive feeling and righted himself. He let the momentum of the landing draw him down to a crouch and kicked off the wall ike a spring. He struck low in the knees, but it must of been calculated wrong. The kick hardly earned a buckle from the man towering over him.  
  
The guy turned to face him and he moved out from under there quicker than some sort of rabbit spider cross-breed. He wasnt about to look up to some freak who tired to sneak up on him.

((Who succeeded to sneak up on you~~~))

     [[Your narrating is rather awful. Not to mention it's unnecessary.]]

     “Unnecessary? But how are people going to know what I've been up to all this time?” Red gave a long sigh. Spider cut his blade through the air and into the meaty flesh of his opponent. By the time that the blood had begun to seep around the knife, it had already stabbed into him several more times. He made a chocked off sound, wavered, and clutched at the wound. But he didn't drop.

“You're one strong sack of shit, brownie points for that.” The man tried to say something back, but the webs stuck to his face only Let some desperate mumbles through.

     ((Oh oh oh! I know this; ahem. We're not idiots, just go and do your thing.))

     “Everyone's a critic.” He rolled his eyes at the bickering boxes and dropped down in a similar motion. He kicked his opponents feet out from under him. Calculated right this time. Brick wall or not, he didn't refuse after so much blood loss. The man struggled, and nearly got back up to his feet, but he wasn't given the chance.

Spider leaned over him, With a knee pressed into his chest and a hand supporting himself just above the knee. The Spider let a fond smile spread across his mask.

“Oh~ you'd be fun to play with.” He sang, that really Drew a reaction out of him. He bucked and thrashed and the Spider nearly went flying off. Nearly, but he was a sticky little bugger and stayed put.

     ((Holy fuck can we!?))

With a tilt of his head he regarded his newest victim, and listened to the man try to speak through his webs again. 

Then he moved so he was sitting with his legs crossed on the his stomach. Effectively holding his centre down and applying uncomfortable pressure to the fresh wounds. To be completely certain he webbed the stranger to the roof. 

“Still kicking eh? Don't worry, you won't be for long.” 

 

 

 

   Standing up and rubbing his heads clean on the red of his suit he admired his work. A slit across the throat had killed the man rather quickly. The rest was collateral damage. But it had shut the boxes up.

“That was fun.”

   ((I guess... Why didn't we keep him alive? He could of played around too!))

Blue pouted or yet; Spider had the detached feeling of pouting himself. With a snort and a dismissive shake of his head the Spider dropped down into the street below. The people in the street cringed, and made their best impressions of cockroaches as they scurried away. Maybe it was the blood. Maybe it was his notorious black and red ensemble

   “For whatever reason I don't think he would have appreciated that,” the Spider drawled, making his way downtown.

   ((Walking fast))

   “Faces pass, and I'm home bound,” he sang, and his hand snaked out to grasp at a lap-post so he could swing himself around it lazily. 

   The spider crinkled his nose, Red's response wasn't what he expected, or his lack of one really. The box just despised the song and he was never reserved about his dislikes before. He chewed the inside of his cheek for a second.

“Alright boys lets celebrate.”

   ((Oh! Oh I'm locking in my vote for laser tag))

   “Okay there Mr. Stinson, but I meant food.”

   ((Yea you wish.))

   “That I had Neil Patrick Harris in my head instead of you? I mean… Yea? That be one hell of a family reunion!” With a skip in his step he moved deeper into the city. 

   [[What are we celebrating?]]

   The spider perked. finally. “Well my good behaviour of course!” Bounced on the balls of his feet and clapped excitedly. “I'm thinking Chinese!” 

   [[your good behaviour? And the literal murder you committed just moments ago, wouldn't contradict that at all.]]

   “Right?!” Narrowly escaping the path of on coming car was his cue to press on. Spider swung above the sidewalk. “So, Chinese? Yes, No? What are you guys thinking?”

   [[…sushi.]]

   ((pizza!))


	2. Something Between Quiet and Screaming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is graphic and in need of a warning. 
> 
> It contains verbal abuse, gas lighting, shotty coping mechanisms, and general unhealthy stuff.
> 
> You can skip it.

[[So, was all that about getting even? you must feel pretty good about yourself.]]

Spider leaned heavily against the apartment door. He tried working his throat but he couldn't swallow past the rising bile. 

[[Am I right or wrong?]] His voice recited, words he had commuted to memory a lifetime ago, and no amount of headbashing or brainwashing had been able to get them out. 

[Rhetorical question Spider. I know you well enough that I know the answer.]

“Shut up,” he hissed, regaining bodily functions as his mind worked into overdrive. He tried to find some topic to grasp onto. Anything to just shut the voice up. It wasn't working, so he moved further into the apartment and sunk into the couch. Bone-tired arms attacked the cold food, as if it owed him money or kicked his dog-or something. 

[“Why?”] It came out softly and prodding, as if from a place of concern. 

“Because I fucking told you to, because you’re in my head, and because I’m the one in charge here!” the Spider snapped, arching upward in frustration. His voice had risen with each word. uncomfortable pressure flared from his eye, where he dug his palm into it. As if he could rub away all the churning thoughts that drilled through his head.

[“Oh Spidey, I know that's not the case.”]

“Fuck you.” He vowed. Tone low and dangerous, the words more of a threat than anything else. His hand dropped, and his eyes fixed ahead on the blacked out tv screen in a menacing glare. Similar features smiled back at him. Soft and concerned as ever, but nothing like his own. 

[“Did he deserve it?”] Red offered, a certain kindness to it.

"Of course he did! He snuck up on us, he kept talking, and he couldn't take a hint and just leave!” His breath blew out quick and uneven in his distress, but the Spider had been given an out; he was sure in hell going to take it. "We can't have people around who can get the jump on us. I'm protecting us!"

["Oh my hero. They were all threats, weren't they? Conners, Thomson, harry, we have to eliminate threats."] The spider remained silent. ["Oh... but that's the case, isn't it? You wouldn't lie to us. You HAD to kill them, disbt you.”]

“Fucking hypocrite. As if you weren't going along with it?!” Spider hissed, and he was really starting to spiral downward. Takeout forgotten; he paced around his house where he could. Muttering and snapping like an angry dog as he did.

[“You're screwing up the facts again. I though you were better than that. I'm not complaining that you killed him, but I never once told you too.”]

((That's right! Red was basically agreeing with me! And I sure in hell wasn't rooting for you.))

“Don't you fucking start too!” he shrieked, spinning around to face empty air.

((I’m just trying to help out and clear up what happened!)) Blue's tone was guarded, then quiet. ("And you didn't exactly let the guy explain himself, either.")

[“Don't you see Spider? You might want to pass blame, but you'd take any excuse you can get to start this up again. It's in you're nature, you can't stop it. It's not your fault.”] Red taunted, but the Spider wasn't going to let it get to him. So he covered his ears and his fingers gripped into his hair. 

"I'm not starting anything." he vowed, and when Red went to speak again he quickly bit down on his tongue and snapped his eyes shut. They couldn't make a point if he couldn't see them, couldn't hear them. The battle for control didn't last long. 

"I'm not doing this anymore! One bad day doesn't make it all a failure, it'sjustonebadday one bad day is just that. Just a bad day. Just a-" he kept shaking his head, trying to deloge the thought from it.

(“Isn't there something to be said about repeating the same thing and expecting things to change?”) 

[“something about talking to yourself, too.”]

((But don't you worry your little Spiderbutt, long as you got us to talk to, you're not crazy.~)) 

"You think I want you around? You fucked up my entire life! I want you out of it!" the Spider screamed. Both boxes quieted after his explosion. 

((Take that back!)) 

Something ticked. Maybe a clock.

[[Do you honestly think you don't need me? that you could make it out there without me? I didn't paint you this shade of delusional. But you never cease to disappoint.]] 

[[how many times have I picked you up off the floor when you were to weak to do it yourself?]] 

The ticking slowed, Spider couldn't get a sense of time, he couldn't get a word in.

[[How many times have my plans made things better for us? Or saved your life when you couldn't.]]

Too many. He didn't like to think about it.

[[You think you'd be sitting pretty? Have you even considered the type of monster you would become?]] 

Maybe it wasn't a clock, just wore it as a disguise. Count the time?

[[Of course not, because you don't think. You never think.]]

Peter shook his head until he could feel his brain rattle around from the force, and continued long after the dizziness turned into a sick sort of pain. He kept his teeth clenched until he tasted blood, and ears covered until he ripped out bits of his hair. 

drip tock, tick drop.

When he finally moved his hands from his hair, and wrapped them around himself; he had long since traded the clenche teeth in favor of quiet mutters. He had to, he was so sick of the taste of blood. He didn't pick up on the silence at first, it enveloped him like a cold hug he couldn't get out of. It was Only audible once he stopped whatever mantra he spoke. He couldn't even remember the words by that point.

It stretched on, stretched him thin. He could hear the dripping in the sink two apartments down and he couldn't Ignore it. it made his skin crawl until it become nothing but an unfocused buzz in the background and he couldn't remember what drips sounded like. He wasn't sure how long he stayed in that fuzzy state. 

He wouldn't admit which one he hated more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long story short, the boxes leace
> 
> I disliked the other chapters of my original Morally French-Vanilla, (the first book of this series,) and disliked having a finished work that was only two chapters. So I've compiled it all into this one for convenience. :>


	3. The isty bitsy inconvenience

They screamed by the thousands below him. A familiar and nearly comforting sound that vibrated around him and over-loaded his senses. He tilted his head backwards and stared down at the cars crawling forward. 

“Fucking traffic.”

The horns honked below, and the drivers continued their little tantrums. He relaxed his fingertips around his web. Enough to will some feeling back into his hands, but not so much that he'd lose his balance. Suspended between the two adjacent buildings the spider hung stock still, analyzing the crowd for a little over twenty minutes. It only took that long before his fingers started to drum against the webbing anxiously. He had sat way too still, for way too long, for one night.

A tick-and then a bug-sized piece of something hit his web. The Spider was instantly alerted to her close proximity. Not that he missed the clicking of her heels throughout the building, or the smell of her perfume wafting up. A scent that was three days old and a little stale; meaning she had taken the job on the spot if he wasn't wrong. 

If he added up all those variables then-

Fuck.

The small tick detonated and spilt his web into two. A snap. Almost as loud as breaking bones. But not quite, and less satisfying.

He couldn't mourn his web or appreciate the sound. He had to move. Gripping tighter to one half of the web, he used the momentum of the blast to swing into the building. 

He collided with the window in a array of mind numbing crashes.  
   
The glass crunched and dug deeper into his skin as he shifted. “Mhmm sorry to drop in unannounced like this..” he groaned, then pushed himself up into a crouch to brush off some of the glass that clung to his suit. He gave her a dirty glare. One he was surprised hadn't made her turn tail screaming. Maybe it was because of the mask. "But since it's you Widow, I'm sure you planned for this." 

He hopped up onto his feet, all bubbly attitude and happy tones. “That's okay, I'll over look the rough handling this time, if you just give a guy a heads up the next. Us spiders have to stick together after all.” 

“Cut the crap Spider. You know why I'm here.” she drawled, sending just as impressive of a glare his way. Obviously she hadn't received the reaction she had expected; because after a minute she finally droned, “You’ve killed one of my team mates.”

“Uh, yea, no... Maybe? If you could just be a bit more specific, I kill a lot of people, you know.” 

“I keep tabs.” she agreed, her voice somehow both cold detachment and sharp nip all at once. She paused and he awed at her. when he was finished she sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Reconnaissance and special operatives. Shield agent of ten years,”

“Okay great well I'm sure you probably think you're being super obvious here Widow, but a lot of people fit that description.” He watched her make her way around the room, a slow pace that was likely used to intimidate lesser criminals. But the spider recognized a tic when he saw one. Black widow was just frustrated he wasn't ‘playing along.’ That and she probably hadn't wanted to be here in the first place. 

“Wade Wilson.” Romanoff sent a sideways glance at him, she obviously expected some sort of reaction out of her words. Tough luck.

“Doesn't ring any bells.” 

“Talks a lot.”

“Most people babble when they meet me, and I don't do well with competition.” He crossed his arms as he met her glare dead on. “ I also don't have any trouble shutting them up.” 

“Avenger in training.” she finally answered, more exasperated than her tone let on. He could even see the long winded sigh she held back in the way her eyes held shut an extra second.

“Okay I'm not sure about you, but th’guy sounds like a total shit for brains to me. Who doesn't flash their Avengers manufactured get out of jail free card? You don't need guys like him.”

Romanoff tensed, then stopped in front of the Spider. "People who break my trust, people who go after my team, those are the kind of people I take out." she threatened. Only a foot separated the two, and they were matched in their hostility. Masked, but a tangible force underneath the surface. They were each trained enough to both hide it in themselves, and find it in others. The problem was Romanoff was a one trick pony, and Spider was better trained.

“Woah woah woah Widow, no need to get hostile, you can take me out whenever you like!” the Spider joked. Widow's murderous glare faltered, and she cringed in barely hidden disgust. The Spider didn't let his nerve drop. Widow quickly regained her fire. “Look I don’t know the guy. I'm not saying I didn't kill him but I'm also not saying I did. Though let's be honest I probably did. It just looks like a classic case of a guy in the wrong place at the wrong time."

“It'll do you good to remember our agreement, Spider. The minute you go back on it is the minute I no longer care if you get killed.” The Spider’s eyes narrowed at the little threat. He was well aware of what would happen to him. The picture wouldn't be a pretty piece all done up in crayon, if he ever started shit with the avengers. In fact Romanoff would make personally sure it went ugly. 

“Yea, don't I know it. But this isn't that minute.” He rolled his eyes, But once once he saw the red head visibly bristle, he froze. He watched every flick of her pupils, or slight stiffening of her back, with careful consideration. Jeez she really did take everything as a threat, even ominous sounding promises that were supposed to be comforting. “Don't worry, your precious Clint and STEEVE are both safe for the foreseeable future.” The Spider offered with another eye roll.

Her stance effortlessly and instantly shifted into a dangerous one. Maybe naming names wasn't the Spider’s best idea of the night, but at least it also wasn't the worst. He stiffened in response; but his instincts already pushed him into a run. He was out the window before his brain could tell him to just diffuse the situation, and before his mouth formed the words to do it. 

He shot out a web but before he could make his way out of sight he twisted backwards to get the last word in. Shouting it out just as Romanoff ran to the window and leaned out it. 

As if she ever had the chance to catch him. 

“Relict sure would be nice to stay here and chat, but I think it's time I moved on.” He giggled then disappeared behind a building. 

A pause 

“Oh c’mon! Don't you guys like puns anymore?!”


	4. Leave a Message After the Beep

It didn't take long for the spider to be found again, he wasn't exactly hiding. It was hard to be on the downlow when his kill count had gone up by seven, in half as many days. But a killing spree was to be expected, he had broken his bout of good behaviour. So much for that silver chip.

That excluded the body that had started it all of course. Spider really fucking hoped that body got an unmarked grave. right where all the squirrels liked to shit. 

He bit his lip as he looked to the street from his building.

“Maybe I could put it there?”

((You'd have to find it first!))

[[And I highly doubt it's in good condition. it's best to just leave it as is; let the crowds peck at it.]]

((That's almost as good as squirrel shit.))

[[you mean as bad.]]

“I don't give a flying squirrel what either of you mean.” He was stock still and his expression was dark. “where Have you been?!” The expression and tone of course; were all a ruse. He lunged out towards the boxes to squish them in a hug. Sure it was a bone crushing hug because they had ditched him, but it was a hug all the same.

[[I think you're forgetting that we’re not actual, tangible, people.]] 

“You sure feel real to me,” he cooed, smearing his face all over Red. it made them both uncomfortable; Spider because of pointy edges, and Red because of his inability to get close to anyone.

[[now I’m certain you've lost it.]]

((Isn't that why we're stuck together in the first place? Spider it's pretty bad when your crazy calls you crazy.)) 

“Stuck together for life. Because I thought I lost you once. I'm not about to lose you twice!” Spider sung.

[[This is insane. People get hospitalized for less.]]

((uh, speaking about people??)) 

The flash bomb was tossed his way only seconds before the spider had jumped away. It exploded in an excellent flash of light behind him. Great for theatrics but it could really only mean one person.

Romanoff.

“Spider—“

“Ah ah ah!” he interrupted, as he landed behind her and delivered a kick meant to unbalance his opponent. “You already had your turn! It's not my fault you wasted it with blatant accusations,” he scolded.

confusion was written clear on Black Widow's face; as she tried to regain her footing. Impressively enough she didn't fall flat to the ground, but rolled into another battle-ready stance. Everything about her was rigid edges and intimidating looks in that moment, but Spider ignored her.

"Spider—“

"Shh, the boys are back and your going to just have to wait patiently as we reunite.” He wagged a finger in her direction, and almosr laughed aloud at her expression. She followed the movement with her eyes then flicked them back to his face as if looking for something.

((Holy trinity of shit that's black widow!))

Peter whacked at the blue box a few times, good naturedly. 

“Yea that's exactly what I've been trying to tell you.” The spider rolled his eyes, then following the eye movement he crossed his legs and sat down in the middle of the roof. 

((You're just lying to impress me!))

[[Now isn't that pathetic.]]

“Am not!” the spider protested.

((when have you ever said a thing about Black Widow?))

“All day every day for the past week!” Peter huffed then crossed his arms in front of his chest as he narrowed his eyes at the boxes, not exactly an angry or threatening pose, just more or less irked.

((Maybe we should have checked our message box, huh Red?)) 

[[We couldn't exactly make it to the phone,]]

((Right we were kinda MIA, Managing to Ignore Assholes!))

Peter turned his head away from them and huffed, his bottom lip pouted outwards. The boxes just swerved back into his line of view so he shut his eyes and raised his chin. “I have never done anything wrong in my entire life,” he grumbled.

((Pppft, okay there.))

[[I’m not going to pretend I understand what is happening with you spider, but can it wait for when you're alone? I think Black Widow has something to say to us.]]

Peter realized a little sheepishly that he had been ignoring his guest. Yea, he had told her he was going to ignore her in the first place, but it didn't make it any less rude. She was leaning back against a railing, regarding him cooly with an almost blank expression. 

“Good point,” Peter crinkled his nose once, not exactly liking the odd air between him and Widow and not exactly knowing what to do in it. “Are you waiting for your turn? Alright then, go ahead,” he said with a flush of his hand.

“I have your attention then?” Widow asked, pushing herself from her slouch and moving forward a few paces. She must have seen the Spider visibly bristle because she stopped short. “Not going to run away again, are you?” 

“That depends—“

((on how harD YOu HiT US!!)) 

“Wrong movie! And you messed up what I was going to say,” Spider complained, and widow pointedly ignored him as she brushed past him. 

“I need your help,” she stated once she seemed to deem she had his attention, or enough of it anyway. Widow Looked over her shoulder to fix him with her cold stare. Ever there and almost calculating, as if she was unsure of how he'd react.

Ah right to the cut then. Okay.

Makes perfect sense, no need to dance around the details. 

“([you what?.!])”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions, concerns, predictions? Feel free to post them :)


	5. Who and the What Now.

“You need my help?” He asked for what must have been the 3000th time. 

“Yes. Keep up.” Widow interjected, staring dead ahead. Peter wasn't sure if she meant her ridiculous striding pace or the dead conversation; but he had fallen behind in each.

[[Him.]]

((Are you sure you've met us?))

“Me?” He asked slightly more quietly then he would have liked. She hardly gave him a second glance, despite having picked up on his tone. 

They had broken into the base soundlessly, it hardly took any effort at all. Since they were both light footed, and almost equally skilled in that department.

Spider crippled their tactical skills, and did his damnedest to lower their chance of survival. But even that knowledge wasn't enough to quiet his questioning. 

In the middle of one more one last clarification, hey stepped into a room filled wall to wall with computers. It had other basic looking tech, and experiment stations, but mostly computers. They were all set up in a messy sort of way, that spoke more of a chaotic disregard for order than anything else. It was brightly lit but that only pointed out how claustrophobic and cluttered it must feel to work there. Even the high ceilings did nothing to improve the look, anyone without enhanced vision might have some trouble seeing the top of the room, but they'd only feel like they dropped off the face of the earth into a shoebox. 

He whistled into the room, a mock impressed sound. Then inwardly cringed at how it echoed through the empty room.

[[your idiocy is astounding.]]

((This place just screams of shitty B-rate villains.))

[[It would seem your in your element Spider]]

The Spider wasn't about to let his boxes think they were right in front of Black Widow, but didn't have a dammed word in his defence.

[[Which translates to exactly that.]]

He glanced to his co-partner, she walked into the room confidently and sifted through the desktops, clearly looking for a particular one in the barely functioning sea of them. His lips pressed into a hard line.

“Okay what gives, I haven't exactly had a good track record of keeping on the down low tonight.” the Spider pointed, slash lashed out. He was unnerved by the quiet of the room, and entire building really, and now that he thought about it; the entire situation was weird. “We should of met up with some baddies by now.” 

Black Widow glanced back at him, her expression dull and hard to read, before a light smile took its place. Possibly more unnerving then the quiet room, abandoned and dark places, and manic laughter bouncing off distant walls; all wrapped up in one conveniently shaped box. 

“Do you honestly think I’d recruit you for an mission that required stealth? I'm not really the suicide mission type.” She said in what was probably meant to be a joke, then turned on her heel too keep looking. His eyes formed silts as he watched her back. 

[[Fucking bitch.]]

((Kill her kill her kill her))

“Low Blow, Widow.” the Spider muttered, and it took a whole minute to school his deuling emotions into a blank mask. But once he had he hoped onto the back of a roller desk chair, and flicked out his webbing to pull him along the rows until he was beside widow. 

“Oh man; they really gotta put some restrictions on their employees holidays here,” he announced, and seemingly ignored her as he stared ahead. “Companies just fall apart with this many absences!” The Spider may have looked ahead as he kept pace, but he also kept careful watch of her when she wouldn't take notice of him. He caught the small upturning of her lips into another smile.

“They're a little bit too busy with avenger business to greet us.” She commented ominously. Spider was unconcerned with wether or not she caught him gawking.

“Alright, well then what do you need me for? My excellent hacking skills?” He volunteered. The spider just needed to collect himself and recover from his stupor. Widow scoffed at his words.

"No I'm a better hacker than you. I need you to read the files and tell me what exactly these experiments are.” With that said Black Widow got to work and Peter kept himself busy with various games and activities. Most of those having to do with launching the chairs into some target webs, and being a general pest.

((Don't forget picking up his shattered dignity off the floor!))

  
  


When the wheels of Widow’s chair squeaked across the tiles, and she pushed back in a nonchalant stretch, Peter stopped with his games. 

He webbed himself across the room to Romanoff to perch on her chair, and stare over her shoulder. If going by the way she leaned away (in what was a barely noticeable movement) was anything to go by; the proximity unnerved her. 

After reading through the research and thesis papers, and after Widow had long abandoned the shared chair for one of her own; he gave a overdramatic stretch too. It had been a constant battle for attention with his boxes, but the impeding task of impressing Widow had won out in the end.

“Well?”

“It's nothing too big, like I said. B-rate villain stuff,” he said then pursed his lips. 

((No you didn't, you plagiarist.))

[[No, the author is just repetitive.]]

He fanned away his boxes and they left protesting in a puff smoke. He peeked at Widow from where she sat facing his back, then motioned her towards the screen with a fingertip. “Anyway these are some video clips of the experiments, they all failed, so I won't waste your time with them.”

[[she watched over your shoulder.]]

“But they're trying to introduce something into the water ways that will either trigger submission; the desired effect, or aggression; the fail scape.” Both of The Spider’s hands were planted firmly on the desk to either side of him. he pivoted back and forth. 

“Should the avengers be worried?”

[[certainly; if you needed Spider to figure that out.]]

((Now you're the one being stupid. She just didn't want to waste her time with this crap so she got us to do it, duh.))

“well no, I know the economy is bad n all but these guys need to get a new job. No one here is qualified enough to correct this formula,” he paused, clicking through the pages once again and chewed on his thumb nail through his glove. “At worst they might give up and introduce the secondary chemical they developed, but even that would be small scale and short lived and not what they were going for. I'm pretty sure the avengers will have no trouble.”

((Is that seriously it?))

[[When we were recruited by Black Widow I assumed there would be more of a… conflict.]]

he hummed in response, then moved the research into the USB stick Widow provided him with. He printed out a second copy of the papers. All in all he was starting to prefer when she had been chasing him for revenge.

[[Revenge?]] 

((Why do you only do the fun stuff when we're not around. It's not fair!))

“Well what should we do?” he asked twiddling a spare pen he snagged off the desk between his fingers, and watching as Blue sifted through some ideas. Some came and went so quickly that the words would erase before fully forming. Most of their suggestions were more dangerous than your general run of the mill night out, but Peter was considering them at least. 

Returning with the research in tow Widow’s eyes were downcast and scanning in what had to at least be her second read through. She looked up at him and he returned the look with his own bored one. Then she responded and blew his plans up to smithereens. 

“I'm glad your cooperating, you've been a great help. Now follow me.” 

((Oh for crap sakes! You and your big mouth!))


	6. New York's Very Own, Local Grown; Freak

The night was surprisingly quiet for twelve o'clock in New York; usually it was overly active at most hours. People in their right mind just didn't go there for peace and quiet. They went to New York for the hustle and bustle, and chance of getting mugged by one of New York’s local-raised freaks.

The only thing that could be heard was the groaning and bellyaching of the crooks underfoot. Black Widow and The Spider stepped over and around them. The Spider would never admit it out loud, but the sheer number of bodies was kinda impressive.

They had hardly made it to the ronday-vou point. Spider had one look at exactly who “Hawkeye and whoever else he decides to bring” was.

That was all it took for him to lose it, One look.

“You! You- …you insufferable Prick!” Spider yelled, then threw himself forward. Romanoff was thoughtless and lunged for him, impressively enough she snagged him around the waist. They were both thrown across the rooftop for her efforts. 

Lets be clear, the Spider didn't snarl and snap at anyone. He struggled to reach the man that had started it all. The scarred up, should be diced up, wall of a man who had snuck up behind him on a roof-top. Wade Fucking Wilson. At least he could put a name to the face, and vice versa.

Spider didn't hold grudges, no he dealt with them accordingly, and in a timely fashion. This one had unraveled all his good work and then had the audacity to live to tell the tale. He forced both himself, and the Widow attached to his hip, back on their feet. 

With so little planning time Spider was baffled that Romanoff had caught him in the first place. Although Romanoff always planned everything meticulously. The access movement had forced him to twist around, and that twisting had pushed his mask up just below the nose. 

((Convenient.))

[[Staged.**]]

“Woah woah woah what did I ever do to you?” Wilson raised his hands in surrender and backed up a few paces. His heel hit the half-wall mid-step, and he twisted back to send a helpless look towards Hawk-eye. Barton just sat there overly amused, or more accurately; he doubled over in laughter, and simultaneously tried to keep himself up.

“don't play dumb! You fucking idiot! I was doing just fine before you came along!” Spider accused, and struggled to move towards him to attack. To his surprise, and disscontempt; Romanoff’s manoeuvring made it difficult. 

Her yelling in his ear for him to stop wasn't making it any easier. 

“Wade Wilson every body! he's ever the charmer. So what did you manage to do this time?” Barton snorted, slapping Wilson on the back good naturedly. 

Wilson glanced at Hawkeye helplessly, then signed a quick ‘no idea.’ Before snapping his attention back towards the Spider. 

“whatever it is I did I swear I didn’t do it!!” Wilson defended himself, then seeming to notice his slip up shook his head and tried again, “didn’t know I did it?”

“You wouldn't notice your own damage if the city billed you for it!” the Spider spat.  
   
“ouch. Okay well long as you're throwing around accusations and painful names, think you could also toss a guy a line?” he asked, quickly replacing his confused expression with a goofy grin. Spider glared in return. He took to an unfamiliar response instead. 

That is he wouldn't give one, he ripped his arms from Widows grip and stood his ground. Glaring Wade down and formulating plan after plan on how best to make him pay. But he could be a patient man.

Really it was the most sensible response in these sorts of circumstances. 

So he stayed stock still, and unsettlingly silent. The group of three gawk at him in their varying degrees of openness.  

It was Barton who broke the silence in the end.

“Someone call an ambulance, I think you broke him.” He joked. humour aside Barton paid close attention to the spider from his seat a couple feet up. Spider glared at him in a way that made Barton noticeably uncomfortable. Or more so than he already was.

“We don't have time for this little dispute,” Romanoff groaned. “it can wait.” She positioned herself so she could better hold Spider’s wrists in a classic cuff-like grip. But stopped short when Spider did nothing to attack. She stood in front of her teammates instead.

“I dunno I think we have a little time.” Barton quipped. He did a poor job at masking his curiosity. 

Maybe if any of them actually wore a mask.

“All I know is I woke up with a hell of a headache, and a bunch of games of Tic-tac-toe craved into me.” Wilson pouted. Actually pouted, as if animated corpses had a right to be fussy. 

((Usually people die when they are killed but I guess not this time?))

[[sounds like something not easily missed Spider, shouldn't you know your enemies by now, at least in the slightest.]]

"It's not my fault that ones' new" Spider muttered back. Widow may have been the only one to catch his words. She had a nasty habit of easedropping.

“What? You can't be serious. That's pretty twisted.” Barton sputtered. It took a second, but he almost sheepishly followed up with, “thats all in the past, yeah?”

The Spider didn't offer up any reassurement. Barton's uneasy smile faltered but didn't die completely.

"Honour between thieves right?"

[[If you're a betting man; I wouldn't put all my horses on that one, Barton.]] 

((But if you're a stupid man, go right ahead!))

"He's not going to attack me or anything, is he?" Barton finally asked, going pale in the face.

“Let's just get this started,” Romanoff cut in and turned her attention away from Barton to him, “Spider do you remember what I briefed you on earlier—?” Spider shook his head childishly. 

“No.” Spider sniffed, and Immediately she began to recite the details. He quickly turned his head away and interrupted her, “no way am I working with him. I'll go with Hawk-eye, you go with Wilson.” Sure Barton had been a bit of a butt, but the Spider had heard such good things from the Hawkeye team ups. After all the spider had a bet to pay up on.

 Wilson looked offended and Barton looked pale. Well, paler.

Romanoff held her eyes shut a second longer than a blink before speaking to the group. “If everyone knows their part of the plan, the original plan, then let's get going.” She finished with her side turned to the Spider so she could face her other team members; while still effectively blocking off the Spider from attacking them. Not that he was actually planning on it at the moment. He' shave to be all sorts of crazy to go up against three Avengers at once with no initial planing.

[[You are definitely the kind of crazy that does that.]]

((Looks like we're doing this shit.))

[[Why is there such an ominous feeling to that sentence?]]


	7. Trust Me, I'm a professional

((Of fucking course it's a sewer! What was I thinking? That we’d be treated with human decency!? Ha!))

[[We aren't human, and stop complaining. You’re somehow making this worse.]]

((Oh I'm sorry, let me try that again; don't you love the sewage this time of year? The scent is lovely, and by the lord that colour! petunia’s in May have nothing on it, don't you think?))

“Shut up. I don't want to talk about it.” Spider muttered and stared down at his feet to deliberately keep himself from seeing his surroundings. His hands were pushed firmly into his pockets. Well the pockets of some sweater he had stolen on the way. It was a shame too, he had had fully intended to return the sweater. Now he couldn't, and it was going to ruin his return policy.

“What? I didn't say anything.” Holding in an immature groan Spider looked to Wilson where he had spoken. Wilson waded through the sewage, taking overly slow and dramatic steps. Likely to keep the optimal amount of sewage off of him, but it didn't work in his favour.

Spider, thanks to a certain pest; was able to walk along the wall at an awkward angle. He kept virtually clean, but he was still going to smell like shit forever.

“Not _you_. I'm still not taking to you.” Spider scowled towards wilson, who hardly paid attention. If he noticed the shift in the air from tolerance to aggression; Wilson didn't show that he cared.

“Well, you're doing a terrible job of it.” He mused, and concentrated closely on his steps. “On the flipside, I think you managed to nail the oldest cliché in the book. So bravo on that.” 

"I think _you're_ the oldest cliché in this book.” Peter countered immaturely, then inwardly cursed himself for replying at all.

“That would require having been done before.” Wade threw the joke over his shoulder. Then focused his attention back to the task at hand. Foot. 

Surprisingly the Spider had to hold back a snort. He only managed to play it off by glaring harder at the old fool, and willing himself into a mood. 

Blue on one hand was unashamed as they snorted and laughed away. Red, on the other; was still just Red.

[[Self depreciative humour is a tall tale sigh of disscontempt towards one’s situation in life.]]

“Yea, what he said.” Spider agreed. From the corner of his eye he caught Wilson looking at him curiously.

“I didn't say anything, unless your still talking about—“

“No, shut up.”

 

 

Thankfully Wilson obliged and they were both quiet by the time they reached their designated entry point. The boxes followed no such etiquette, and were shouting by then. They were just bored but as a result the Spider was angsty. Wilson just looked grossed out.

It probably would have been easier for the Spider to open up the ceiling hatch. But because he was still sore, he choose to watch Wilson as he did it. Hardly doing anything to hide his gleeful expression; as Wilson fiddled with it, slipped, started from square one, then slip again. 

((He looks frustrated.))

[[We’re giggling; it's foolish, and hardly befitting of a murderer.]]

" _Am not_!”

((Are too!))

“Am not. I'm laughing at someone’s misfortune. It's _different_ ,” he said haughtily. After a second he started tapping his fingers against his sides, impatiently.

[[Are you just not going to comment with the whole murderer thing?]] 

“What? No, no. I said I don't want to talk about it.”

“Says the guy talking to himself.” Wilson poked his head down and was met with a death stare from the Spider. His shoulders were just visible through the hatch as he leaned down. He rolled them before he tried to amend his words, . “hey I'm not judging; I talk to myself all the time, who else is going to laugh at my jokes?" Wilson paused for laughter, and filled in self-consciously when Spider wouldn't. "But anyways I got the gate thing open.” He pointed up towards the opening he was leaning down, then disappeared through it again.

The Spider followed with a grumble. 

 

 

The room they entered was plain at best and over crowded without a doubt. A closet of some sort. But the spider couldn't pay any attention to it. He looked skeptically at Wilson who held out a set of clothing. They matched the ones he was somehow already changed into, and looked unimpressionable. Spider raised a brow. 

“Natasha and Clint said they would leave these here so we can blend in.” Wilson stated, then tossed the bushel to Spider. Peter crinkled his nose at them then tossed them back. 

“I'm already in recon clothes.” Spider Insisted.

“You're wearing a florescent pink sweater you stole off some lady.” Wilson spoke slowly, as if he thought Spider hadn't already noticed this. 

The Spider shrugged his shoulders. Betting Wilson wasn't going to drop it, sat on the edge of the table behind him. 

((Yea and we ROCK it.))

“Exactly. No one will know who I am.” Wilson looked skeptically at the sweater, before shaking his head. The Spider took that as his queue to roll back on his hands, and push himself onto the ceiling. He stood with his arms crossed, a catalyst if there ever was one. Generally people didn't like craning their neck for long, and felt uncomfortable speaking to thin air. 

“You are literally wearing your Spider suit underneath it,” Wade pointed out, literally by pointing at the Spider, and met his glare with an amused expression.

“I fail to see how that matters.” Spider huffed and crossed his arms. “Just like any one of these low life's will fail to see me coming.” He may have been boasting a bit.

“Care to make that official?” Wade pressed, a shameless grin taking over his face.

“Like a bet?” Spider mused, and watched the little grin form with a bored expression of his own; held carefully in place, “not on your life." Wade’s grin fell away into a pursing of lips.

“I understand, no one could be as stealthy as you want people to believe you are.” He teased. Wilson was lucky he was able to walk away from that one, the spider wasn't so lenient for just any lady with a pretty smile. Wade in fact strolled towards the door, letting any little object absorb his attention as he went.

“I'm not failing for the oldest trick in the book.” The Spider defended, he had picked up on Wilson’s obvious tactics as soon as they surfaced, and narrowed his eyes at the man in response.    
  
((But do you _really_ believe that?))

“Which is totally fine.” Wilson talked on, over Red and ignoring. Not that he noticed; but it ruffled Red’d feathers a bunch and annoyed the Spider enough. “Awe it was going to be a good bet too,” he whined. 

Whined. What kind of six-foot-something man whined? all over not getting his way! The spider crinkled his nose at Wilson who basically smirked to himself. Not that it was super noticeable, Wilson was schooling his emotions enough that the Spider was forced to read the expression differently, in the barely-there, excited jitter.

((There he goes.))

“Stop it. You think I care? I don’t care.” The spider half warned and half tried to convince himself. It almost worked too; he turned his head away and attempted to ignore Wade all together. Because seeing was believing and he couldn't believe the night he was having.

But it was harder to ignore something that wouldn't have the good will to happen in the first place. There wasn't a reply, so he cracked an eye open towards Wilson. “Good how?”

((Hook line and—))

[[you’re clichés are making you more unappealing than usual.]]

“If you get through this mission without tipping off a single crook I'll get you into the avengers tower,”  Wade promised, and as soon as he did there was a beat of time Peter didn't answer him. To awestruck to say anything. 

In that same beat, Wilson paused in his retreat to the door, to half regard the Spider, and half inspect some other random object.

[[He can't do that.]]

((Can he do that?))

“There’ll be rules of course. Like you gotta do it without killing anyone.” Wilson added. He pursed his lips again, and tapped a finger against his scared jaw, as if in thought. 

((That's bullshit))

[[That’ll provide something of a challenge.]]

“And you now have to do it in your tacky pink sweater.” Wade decided. Way too amused, and hadn't anyone ever taught him it was rude to point?

((Hey Spider do you want me to get you a dildo for the next time you decide to scrEW YOURSELF OVER!))

((It won't be too hard.))

“And if I decide to kill someone?” the Spider asked, and raised a brow at the man. Wilson really looked back at that, he turned completely towards the spider and his lips pressed into a hard line. But he seemed to shake it off rather quickly.

“Well.. That'll lose you the bet." Wade was a bit dumbstruck. Avengers and their disney patented moral codes, This one hadn't even been there too long and they had gotten to him! Wade shook the no-good-very-bad thought from his head. "It doesn't matter if no one notices you tonight if you leave an impression you're as good as caught. And Death always leaves a good impression.” By the end of his little trip down morality lane Wade was practically swooning. The Spider chose to ignore that.

“I mean what do I owe you if I lose the bet,”  Peter corrected. His tone stated it should have been Obvious, so he rolled his eyes, but that part wasn't as obvious.

"Oh, how bout… Five people. You have to spare five people.—“ 

“Four. But I get to choose who; where, when, and why I spare them.”

“Fine, but you gotta wear these bland clothes until you've spared all of them.” 

The spider sputtered, he then half turned away to converse with his boxes, Red was oddly welcoming of the bet, and Blue was still sore after realizing their outfit had been called tacky. So a yes all around. 

Wade waited patiently through all this. When Peter finally did stop whispering to himself and looked back, Wade grinned in his direction. Even though he already seemed sure of the answer he still had the good nature to ask.

“deal?”

A devilish expression of his own lit up Peter’s face.

“Deal.”


	8. Thrown into an Empty Room

The spider scurried along the ceiling panels soundlessly. He followed several paces behind Wilson; and kept his eyes on the back of his head.

They had moved undisturbed and unbeknownst to the other workers, for a total of three hallways. Then Wilson started to get angsty. He cut into a room too small to be the room they were looking for and he didn't come out for some time.

The sound of wooden legs scraping against the tiles spilled out from under the crack of the door. Then the sound of a body slumping into that chair gave the spider his queue to say put.

He huffed behind his mask, and moved closer to the corner of the wall and ceiling to hide more efficiently. Should anyone walk by they wouldn't notice him, and he'd hear them coming. The Spider rolled onto his back, crossed his arms, and grumbled his time away. More than a little annoyed that he was forced to wait on someone else.

Way too many minutes passed by as Wilson shuffled through papers, his briefcase, and desk alike. Granted it was all a little frantically.

((Think he’s lost?))

The door creaked open and Wilson went on in a clumsy jog. Spider cracked an eye open to watch his movements, waiting until Wilson was some distance ahead and walking again, before he scurried after him.

[[That’s a definite possibility.]]

((He better not be! Cause then we’re lost too!))

Hearing a second set of footsteps approaching, the Spider pushed away a panel of the cheap covering and slipped past it. He was forced to crawl along the ductwork.

“We're not lost,” Spider grumbled underneath his breath. Against his better judgement and much to the abhorrence of his boxes. At least it shut them up. He listened in closer and was only content once he heard the second set of footprints walking away, and the first continuing on.

((Well we certainly are stupid! Don't talk on a stealth mission! Only me and Red get to do that.))

[[I’d rather not be grouped with either of you.]]

Together they came across four other workers in less than twenty minutes. Each one gave Wade a longer, more scrutinizing look than the last. judging by their pauses after passing him.

[[Well if we are lost, which we most certainly are; than I for one am blaming Wilson.]]

((Oh yeah, because getting lost could never be the navigator’s fault.))

{{If anyone can be held accountable it's the driver.}}

“make up you're mind! You can't blame both me and Wilson,” Spider yelled, then cringed from his own doltishness. Hopefully it was for the last time that night.

With the way he had been running his mouth though, it was an unlikely and long winded story.

His boxes were too gobsmacked to talk at all for a minute or two. Spider listened in below and focused so he could pick out Wilsons distinctive set of footsteps. There weren't any to listen for. After a moment of intensive and semi-frantic scanning the Spider dropped his head into his hands with a groan.

((Great now we're double lost, and without a trail of breadcrumbs to follow back home.))

Spider dropped down from above then half crouched. He sniffed the air, and there was that terrible smell. It was mostly masked by perfume and whatnot, but not enough to throw off the Spider’s nose. He followed it.

The halls went on forever until finally he came to an important looking door; complete with an ‘authorized personnel only’ sign and everything. Like a kid opening a present before Christmas, his hand reached out all on its own accord.

Spider had a one thing on his mind. So he didn't notice the presence before he heard the voice too close to his ear.

"No go," Wilson whispered hastily. Spider Jumped to face him and Wilson pressed a finger to his lips to hush them both, it only went so far. It got the Spider to bite back on his original warning sound but he still bared his teeth.

(( ! !¡ ¡¡! ))

[[How do you allow the same person to sneak up on you twice.]]

Wilson didn't notice the Spider’s look, he starred into the room like it might've held the secrets of the universe. “There's about twenty guys in there n’ you're not a Trojan horse. you can't exactly walk in unnoticed.”

He continued glaring at Wilson until he looked back at the Spider once, then twice. After his double take, Spider had most of his attention.

“what's going on in there?”

Wilson hummed in thought, then shrugged. "Couldn't tell you.”

[[Couldn't, or won't.]]

((Yeesh chill. He doesn't know anything about anything. Especially not cool spy shit.))

“So onto the next checkpoint?” Wilson asked. Throwing the question over his shoulder; in what was less of a suggestion, and was more of the only possible course of action.

((What we’re not even gonna take a peek?!))

[[That wouldn't be wise, so no.]]

"You know how it goes, it only takes one person with super insight to fuck up our side of the bet.”

((But- oh c’mon!! Where's your adventurer’s spirit?!))

“At the Avenger’s tower.”

Wilson already rounded the corner by the time Spider started to follow him.

 

 

 

 

They sidetracked into a side room. Spider entered behind him, but maybe not in the way Wilson expected.

When Wilson turned back he was met with an empty hallway,

((Oh how the tables have turned!!))

Rolling his eyes, the spider decided he had more than enough of Blue being a baffoon, and of Wilson’s stage whispers of his name down the dark hallway.

  
“You know if you get me caught I win the bet by default,” Peter teased, as he dropped down onto the desk behind Wade.

Wade jumped a bit, then spun on the spot. He tried to save his skin by playing it off, but it didn't work in his favour. Wade looked like he was about three tense seconds away from whistling nervously, as he leaned against the doorway. It was probably the funniest image Peter had filed away in a while. It went right along with all the other ones he had of other people he scared shitless; even if shitless wasn't the exact reaction Wade had.

((Jeez what the fuck kinda spank bank is that? I miss the old one.))

“Was… Just making sure you weren't lost again!” Wade blurted out in a poor excuse to derive the spot light off him. Not that it mattered. His excuse could have been begging for change and still would of worked because Wade said the magic word.

“I was not lost!” Spider insisted, he hoped his voice sounded more threatening to Wilson's ears then it did to him. Otherwise he was a pitch away from child having a tantrum. The Spider crinkled up his nose.

“Right! Sorry I was afraid I misplaced you.” Wilson corrected oh so generously. His shit eating grin was back in place and for a second Red seemed like he wanted to make that a literal statement.

Peter snorted.

"I think I preferred it when you were trying to sabotage me.” Spider disclosed.

“I wasn't,” Wade said, he rubbed a hand across the back of his head and wouldn't meet the spiders visors. “I er—I need your help with something.”

“A lot of people seem to need my help these days. I'm going to go broke if I keep doing all these jobs pro bono.”

[[He will just have to get in line.]]

((No you won't, there's actually a list. Just leave your number an we’ll get back to you.))

Wade move to the chair beside Spider, and dropped into it.

[[I revel in the knowledge that I will never understand you.]]

“pfft! you know Black Widow right? That's the last thing on my mind right now.” Wade mumbled and stared ahead, off into space. He must have been imaging all the horrific outcomes, because his eyes had that haunted look to them. The look that only came once you had seen Romanoff take down three guys, armed with nothing except a spoon. Not that she even needed the spoon, the spider was certain she only used it to drill in a point.

Spider did little more than tilt his head to look back at Wade, he didn't even move to give him his full attention. “Maybe she wen't back to the entrance or- the broom closet? Er-she said to meet her at the cafeteria right? Does this place even have a cafe?”

“Sounds more like a you problem, then a me problem,” Spider sang, with his eyes shut. He wore his smugness like a black and white spider suit, with a fashionable fluorescent pink sweater thrown over top.

Wade paused from rubbing his face long enough to idly point, and shake his finger at Spider. Just realizing this himself.

“Right you are, but if I get kicked out of the avengers how ever can I sneak you into the building... I guess I could send you in as a moving guy?” He said, the words were half muffled behind his palm. Peter watched Wade lazily, he expected him to look either threatening or smug.

[[He has you there.]]

((But it was a dirty play! What are our options?))

[[we can use intimidation, or—]]

“Fine. But you better not be trying to shtick me out of the bet by getting me caught.” Peter warned, turning his attention away.

Wade stared at him dumbfounded for a second, before his stupid grin lit up his entire face.

The Spider didn't waste any time looking at it. He tugged himself up to the ceiling, and then behind it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well as a little birthday present to myself I'm updating early! Happy September 14th everyone!


	9. Stalemates, Checkmates, and Standstills.

The space was cramped, but Spider fit himself into it and crawled along the ductwork. Honestly the dust was the biggest inconvenience.  
  
((...She, doesn't count, right?))  
  
[[Of course not. She already knows we're here.]]  
  
“Right.”  
  
[[No not right, left.]]   
  
((You're right or mine?))  
  
The spider pulled himself through the duct work, not even pausing long enough to catch his breath. Not that he had to from the “strain” it was more that he couldn't in the first place, the ducts were airtight and suffocating.   
  
[[You’re—?! we have the same right!]]  
  
If he had a hand to spare he might have swatted his boxes away, but instead the spider was forced to tread on. He tried to ignore their bickering by pushing himself along faster.   
  
((Well how am I supposed to know that?!))  
  
Despite his better judgement and despite it not ever having worked before the spider attempted to push past Red and Blue.  
  
[[We are two-dimensional squares! There is only one possible way we can face you absolute dunce.]]   
  
In his hurry the spider hardly noticed the drop in the vents; and only had a second to catch his footing. With a grunt he shook to try and erase the sinking feeling in his stomach. After that his boxes stayed mostly quiet with only the occasional complaint.   
  
((…Rectangles**))  
  
[[OH FOR THE LOVE Of!!—]]  
  
Occasional.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Without so much of a whisper of his feet touching the ground, the Spider dropped into the room. He made himself as unnoticeable as possible by landing in a crouch, and within seconds he was under the cover of deep shadows. The pale blue light cast a thicker layer of shadows through the room, and that made sneaking all the easier.  
  
Controlling his breathing, the spider pressed his fingers firmly against the floor. His hearing, when paired with the vibrations he could naturally pinpoint, was unparalleled. So he had no trouble figuring out where each of the three other occupants of the room were. Manoeuvring around them would be a synch.  
  
[[Two words. Florescent, pink.]]   
  
He darted for the next best cover, and pressed his back up against an out of place crate. He rounded it at the same pace of a worker on the other side, and used her footsteps to mask his own. From his hiding spot it was easy to get a good look at who he was following.  
  
[[Just incase you lose them for the eighth time tonight.]]   
  
Ignoring Red he stared after her ponytailed head, and watched as she left through another room.   
  
Across from the spider some guy leaned against his desk and toyed around on his cell. It lit up his disheveled face and empathized his tried, droopy, eyes in bright Pinks and cyans.   
  
Judging by the motion of his thumb; candy crush.   
  
Just to be safe, Spider back tracked and slipped behind the second row of desks. As long as he moved slowly enough, the candy crush guy wouldn't notice the movement of his hands and feet under the table.  
  
Still counting ponytail’s footsteps, the Spider ensured she didn't get to far ahead, and that he wasn't left behind. The third desk in the row he used as cover, and it was in use. Tapping away at the keyboard, the occupant was preoccupied. Even so he kept his eyes firmly on the hunched back of the brunette as he passed her. The Spider was in clear view of this one should she turn, or even look to her side. No-killing rules be damned he wasn't going to let his cover be blown by some desk jockey, and a guy who couldn't even pass a level of candy crush. He had a reputation to uphold. Flipping himself around and crawling backwards Spider didn't let up until he was completely out of sight.   
  
Praising shadows and random furniture alike the Spider slipped in behind the woman he had originally followed. The room was cleared, and even though the hallway he followed her into provided nothing for protection, the spider was almost giddy.   
  
[[I’d say you're more of a git.]]  
  
((You know you can blow our cover just as much as he can, and either way we don't get to go on our field trip.))  
  
Spider cut diagonally towards the wall then pulled himself up it until he was firmly in his comfort zone, and high above the unsuspecting scientist.  
  
 Well presumably so; she fit the part of evil scientist to the letter. With her jarring white lab coat, and blood red accessories with the lips to match. Check check and double check.   
  
[[Don’t be so gullible Blue. No one is going to let us in that tower.]]  
  
Just as he suspected he was led directly to the main hub of the building. Exactly where he wanted to be, and had wanted to be from the very start. The scientist pulled out her keycard and swiped it at the second 'authorized personnel only' door he had seen for the night.

Spider shot out a string of webbing onto the door before it slammed shut behind her, and held it open a second longer. No-one noticed the delay, and no one saw the spider enter through the crack or dart back up to the ceiling.   
  
((Well we aren't here for nothing.))  
  
He watched from above as she joined the eleven other workers in whatever it was they were doing, then watched for a little longer. It consisted a lot of testing various foreign objects with unknown substances, and a lot of scribbling on IPads. There was more going on around him but he wrote it off as unimportant. 

He did note however; that the door he had initially wanted to enter in, was heavily guarded. It sat on the outskirts of the room, and was the only one that didn't require a keycard. Which was just bad floor planning on their part.

  
[[ Have you already forgotten? You said it yourself, we're just here to do the dirty work they don't want to mix their hands in.]]   
  
He located a breaker room easily enough, which was stupidly left unguarded. Backtracking to the hub served as a nice buffer for the clusterfuck he walked into. He had plunged a good proportion of the building into a blackout, and even though this room had a backup generator it was still impossibly dark. For others that is, he had expected as much. If he were to be completely honest the red warning lights complemented him more, than the tacky white ones had anyways.  
  
[[You’re a means to an end Spider.]]   
  
In all the commotion no one noticed the spider, he was basically able to stroll through the growing crowd. If they weren't actively trying to figure out what went wrong –made difficult because it was timed perfectly with an ongoing experiment- then they were busy blaming each other. Some of the real smart cookies tried to fix it, but their efforts were wasted.  
  
The Spider sat himself down in front of the main computer, and plugged in the USB he had swiped off of Wade. Seeing as he was doing the old fool a favour he was pretty sure Wade wouldn't mind the minor theft.  
  
The stick did all the work for him. Widow had always been a pretty ingenious hacker, and had set up a nearly foolproof plan. He had trouble just looking for anyone who could match her planning, hacking, and combat skills. And boy had he looked. But even if he actually did find someone, they'd just go running in the opposite direction, figures.   
  
((Hey Spider, do you think doing the entire mission for him is going overkill on the whole bet.))  
  
He stared ahead at the screen as the virus did its magic. Not only did it effect the files and make them useless, it also sent them to the authorities so they could wrap up the entire mission themselves.  
  
[[This is pathetic.]]  
  
With the dirty work done, and the lab workers running around like chickens with their heads cut off, the Spider was free to go. He left the commotion  through a window, and shut it neatly from the outside.   
  
He was more than content to leave the grungy building far behind him, and had more than enough of errands and the avengers he did them for.   
  
[[Don’t get your hopes up all over again. You know how this story plays out.]]   
  
The spider flicked a glare in Red’s direction. “I'm done with Avenger business,” he mumbled. On either side of him buildings whipped past

 


	10. A Social-

Spider leaned over his writing, he scribbled words down at a feverish rate. While his boxes felt this was the nitty and gritty part of their experiments, the Spider had a certain fondness for it. It was only after he wrote it down that his experiments made sense to him.  
  
He might know how different variables would effect his tests before he added them. But he also had a spotty memory that made it difficult his research difficult. Also he hated repeating himself.  
  
((Crazy is trying the same thing over and over, but expecting different results.))  
  
“I guess that's why you never have anything new to say,” Spider replied off-handedly. From the corner of his eye Spider watched Blue rev up and go a darker shade of themself.  
  
((Like you're one to talk!))  
  
[[He’s _always_ talking. It's getting him to shut up that's the trick.]]  
  
((Oh you know what? You're both lost causes.))  
  
“Duly noted.” Spidey wrapped up his last conclusions, then tossed the pencil down. It took him less than a second to pick it up again and start tapping both it, and his foot against the desk.

 

  
  
Experiments,  
Food,  
Bad re-runs,  
Nurishment,  
More experimenting,  
Video games,  
Experimenting,  
Breaking,  
Restarting,  
Not sleeping,  
screaming  
Experiments  
Experiments  
_Experiments_

  
  
It had become his full time job to keep himself busy over the week. Not even a full week actually, by day five he had been a mess of frantic energy and boredom. His boxes were better today than they had been yesterday. But they alone had been half the battle  
  
[[We could find some actual work.]]  
  
“No,” Spider grunted, then forced himself from his desk and into the other room.  
  
((C’mon! It's been forever and we need the money, not to mention the entertainment!))  
  
“No we don't.” He Flicked on the tv to distract himself, but it didn't last. He had hardly even sat on the arm of his couch for a minute, before he had begun pacing the length of the room again.  
  
((Please, please? PlEase? PLEASE?! we’re all bored! It's not just me. And you know what they say, self denial isn't healthy for growing boys.))  
  
The spider glared at Blue, then tried to flick his eyes back to the screen to ignore them.  
  
[[If you don't protect the streets from the type of monsters we hunt, then the blood they spill is on your hands.]]  
  
He stopped, slumping his weight onto his hands as he leaned against the back of the couch. He glared at nothing in general.  
  
[[Spider, I’m sorry it has to be you, but you know it's the truth.]]  
  
The two creases his white knuckled grip created on either side of him, quickly ripped under the pressure of his fingers.  
  
[[You're the only one who can truly protect tis city.]]  
  
Spider wouldn't discover whether Red had a better argument, or not. Because the Spider shoulders slumped in defeat, and Red quieted.  
  
The spider wasn't exactly a worthy opponent.  
  
He grabbed his gear and left his apartment. He hadn’t swung past the corner store before his phone started buzzing at his thigh.  
  
  
  
  
  
-Meet me at the corner of Lexington avenue, and 43rd street.  
You _are_ familiar with it right?  
  
-u mean the street with the Bank of America on it? Me? Your friendly neighbourhood Spider?  
Nope. Can't say I am.  
  
-Just meet me at the grumpy café.  
  
-are u trying to imply something widow? how tasteless of you.  
  
-Are you coming or should I go ahead and call someone else?  
  
-keep your spandex on, I’m on my way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally figured out the issue! thank you so much for bearing with me through this break. It was a real long one, but that means I got to write a lot! you can expect some normally scheduled chapters again, I'll post a new update every second Friday. and as long as I have content; post for a different fic in-between.


	11. -Experiment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to put a warning up for this chapter, please see the end notes for more information.

His feet slapped down on the pavement, and skidded a few inches before he caught himself on the door.  

 

Biting down his natural F it instincts, the Spider shoved the door open and strutted in. As if it were one of the sketchy bars he frequented. Instead of a fancy little Café where normal people went, and went about their normal law abiding days. 

 

Every single person’s head snapped in his direction. And a good portion of the taken ones too. Some of the eyes lit up in realization and fear, some of the faces paled. The spider gulped. 

 

[[At least Widow knows we're here now.]] 

 

((Yea smooth move Ajax.)) 

 

[[This is not the time or place for that sort of humour.]] 

 

He was still in the doorway when he felt the wave of air push down against his shoulder. He noticed it long before he felt the hand clamp down.  

 

It wasn't the action itself that had made him go slack and let the larger man pull him away.  

 

“Jesus Spider, there's a time and place for everything and this is not the one for your spandex fetish,” Wade joked, and guided him towards a booth.  

 

-Oh no the Spider’s eyes had blown wide, and his boxes were throwing warning signs up like it was a toxic waste site; because it was someone touching  _him_. Someone that he'd bet on his family’s graves, hadn't been there a second ago.  

 

Being surprised -however unlikely of an experience it was- was always bad.  

 

Red was at the corner of his vision, he literally flashed red like an emergency light. He was at a loss for words, but Blue sure in hell wasn't having that problem. They scrawled down words and phrases faster than he could read or they could write them, and took up most of the rest of his vision. 

 

“Hey are you okay?” There was concern somewhere in there, but the spider hardly processed the words. Just the tone, which in itself was grating.  

 

((Nap, Snap-GInGeRSNAPO SnapFUCKSnaplout, out owoeowpw ow ow ! SNAP OUT OF IT.)) 

 

The Spider blinked a few times then stared at Wilson, wilson stared back, eyes blown wide and brows pushed up with worry.  

 

“So we just waiting on Widow then or is Barton coming along as well?” 

 

Wade blinked back, then swallowed thickly. It wasn't enough to dialogue whatever was making his throat heavy, because next he took a long sip of his coffee.  

 

“Er—don't know,” Wade said. Both boxes were cut off momentarily. But it didn't last more than that moment; before they blinked back into existence.  

 

((I D eeee test that ->))  

 

Spider pulled out his phone and slid it across the table. Wilson snagged it just before it hit his cup.  

 

“She should be along sooner rather than later, I just got her texts..” Spider relayed, and Wade peeked between him and the phone. The phone was tossed back to his hands with a little hum of understanding. 

 

“S’too bad,” he gurgled, and downed his coffee in one swig. Then he stood from the booth, and threw his unimpressionable, tacky, and all around tasteless, sweater over his shoulders.  

 

((Paaay$$$ $Backs$ a(1) (1)Bitch)) 

 

Spider focused on looking up at wade, and raised his brow. 

 

“She’ll have just missed us then.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spidey experiences an anxiety attack, I didn't write it the best and I'm sorry in general. 
> 
> this was going to be apart of the last chapter but they were spilt up, technical difficulties. Anyway I'll be posting an additional chapter this Friday. Sorry for the short chapter but I hope that'll make it a little more alright.


	12. Going Up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha... ha. this is going to be a long one.

“Where are we going?” Spider asked, and jogged a foot to fall into step beside Wade. He had lagged behind for some time, and had no clue how long that had actually been. Wade acted as if he hadn't noticed, though he most certainly had.  
  
“Oh it's no fun if I tell you, so guess!” Wade gushed. He waited patiently for Spider's answer  
  
[(Why are we following this nutt.]}  
  
((Four(4) dum nutz(2)))  
  
[[I officially demote you to take out duty.}}  
  
((Awe come on you set()—m))  
  
[[So get out.]]  
  
“Our untimely demise?” Spider pepped up. A big ol’ fake grin plastered ~~over~~ under his mask.  
  
“Pfft have a little more faith in me? We're gonna need it,” Wade said rather ominously, Spider stared after him as he cut into an alleyway. Not that it could authentically be called that, everything on Lexington Ave. was lit up like a Christmas tree, or a stoner on 420. Either, or, really.  
  
Wade stopped and turned to Spider once he noticed he was alone. A head motion signalled for the Spider to follow behind him.  
  
They didn't fall back into step, the Spider had to jog to just keep up with the guy on foot. But he wasn't in the mood to chase after Wade. So he fell behind.  
  
Curse Wade and his freakishly long… Well everything! The spider looked like a high school twerp beside the guy, and the familiarity sure wasn't welcomed.  
  
  
They came out the other side and walked up that street, until they turned off it to zigzag some more.  
  
Spider was still busy blinking the obnoxious twinkling lights out of his eyes when Wade stopped dead in the street. It was only by the graces of his high caliber spidey-senses, that he didn't smack face first into the brick wall; better known as Wade.  
  
“Hey I know you're super touchy about your fashion sense, but you think just this once you could make an exception?” Wade asked good-naturedly, his head turned only a portion of the way towards Spider. Who in response; stuck his tongue out, and crinkled his nose at the piece of face alteration tech Wade held.  
  
“No way.”  
  
“Didn't think so.” Wade laughed, then replaced the device in his back pocket.  
  
  
Several streets later; they stared up at the Avengers tower. It loomed over them, even from this distance. Wade and Peter were across from it on the highest, nearest building they could find. Which set them about twenty stories up, and a few buildings away from it.  
  
((Okay I feel better all of a sudden.))  
  
[[I only care if that means you’ll stop being annoying… Wait that's impossible, so I don't care.]]  
  
((At least I didn't go sucker fish useless!))  
  
[[I’ll have you know that…]]  
  
  
  
  
Right then not even boxes bickering in the background could dim his mood.  
  
Arguably Peter’s eyes were lit up brighter than the entire building.  
  
[[It's more along the lines of the entirety of New York City.]]  
  
((Haven't you heard that you shouldn't argue with a good thing?))  
  
“Yea it Almost sounds like you're complaining.” Peter murmured in awe, then quickly turned and flashed Wade an excited grin. “You can’t be serious?” He blurted, and didn't bother to keep his voice level.  
  
((Now _you're_ messing with it! I swear I'm surrounded by idiots.))  
  
[[That’s rich, coming from you.]]  
  
“Well I said I would, didn't I?” Wade commented with an easy shrug. “Besides. I figured I owed you for saving my arse back there.”  
  
The spider blinked at Wade, and because he couldn't think of anything to say in response, turned his head back to the tower. Instead he let his attention get drawn in by all the bright possibilities.  
  
[[This is one of those rare moments of silence.]]  
  
((Shh!))  
  
“Can you swing us over there? Cause I’m ready for my killer piggy back ride.” Wade asked, and bounced on his heels in place.  
  
Instead of the laugh Wade was probably hoping for, the Spider swallowed heavily. But Wade had that bright eyed expression of a four year old. It was the exact same expression Spider had before his question. If that was what was going to finally break pandora’s box open, then he'd take it.  
  
So he breathed deeper and snagged an arm around Wade’s waist. Wade yelped in surprise, then instinctively brought his legs up. The same arm snaked under his knees, while the other shot out a web.  
  
“How we getting in there after that?” Spider called over the rushing air. Wade hooked his arms around the Spider’s neck, and squeezed all the air out of him as they dipped towards the ground. The grip was only loosened once Spider let go at the end of the swing, and they hurtled towards the upper levels of the tower.  
  
It hardly lessened the crawling underneath his skin.  
  
“Oh, I thought we'd wing it,” Wade called back. He was still chortling at his own joke. when Spider hit the reinforced glass with six points of contact. He glared down at Wade, who hasn't touched the glass at all, but was sandwiched against his stomach with a smirk.  
  
Wade expression changed to a sheepish one, but his excitement wasn't deterred in the slightest.  
  
((Okay I take it back, the Avengers tower isn't worth this humiliation.))  
  
[[We could just drop him.]]  
  
“We're _not_ dropping him,” Spider grumbled.  
  
Because he couldn't easily crawl along the wall with one arm occupied, and because the image alone was ridiculous, he walked across it. Which yes, was slower; but the last slivers of his dignity was well worth the wait.  
  
“Thanks. You're a real life saver.” Wade swooned, more playful then sarcastic. He still got fake dropped for the jab, but Spider couldn't hold in the snort as Wade scrambled for purchase.  
  
“Oooh you're definitely a red one,” Wade grumbled, with a gravely pitch that wasn't common. It also wasn't that serious sounding. Especially when it was followed by a peppy, “Okay I left that window open, down there.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the read everyone! hope you're having a fantastic weekend. Also hope you don't mind but I lied, I finally found a better spot to cut the chapter at. So its shorter, but how does a sunday update sound to everyone?


	13. Going Down, Down, Down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything for the crown.

Peter slipped Wade through the window he pointed out first. But the prickly feeling only subsided when his own feet touched the marbled floors. Even then it was still there under the surface, just lessened.  
  
“Okay so. We need to get to the headquarters,” Peter spoke his thoughts aloud and with a certain level of detachment. He had taken a few more steps into the dinning room, and got a good eyeful of the space.   
  
Boy was there a lot of it.   
  
He was halfway into the room before he got ahold of himself, and planted both feet firmly onto the ground. Peter didn't let himself finish his half spin, and he didn't check Wade to see if he noticed.   
  
The light from the world around them hardly reached the room. It was washed only in the faintest glow of orange. Even dimmed it still looked a hundred times better than anything Peter had been in or would be in ever again. Lighting that spilled in from buildings above them hit the finely polished floors, and projected up again. The Table barely took up a fraction of the room, but it was probably longer than his childhood home had been tall. Circular tables lined the four walls, embodying grandeur with their silk coverings and silverware, and if Peter was jealous it was only because he had never seen something like it.

  
Everything was spotless, and while Peter knew better, it all looked untouched. Maybe a little eerie too, but only in the way all dark empty rooms did. 

  
((Hacker voice.))

  
[[We’re in…]]  
  
“...And entire gaming rooms, and an armoury, and a pooool. But all you want to see are some work cubicles?” Peter had just clued into Wade's spew, as he came to the end. He complained as if it would get him his way, and as if it had never not worked before.  
  
((He must of hand a real easy life.))  
  
[[Sarcastic voice.]]  
  
((You can't just take my bit!))  
  
[[it's free domain now, under the fair-use clause. So I'll take whatever I damn well please.]]  
  
((SpIdeeeerrRrr!!!))  
  
“Red, be nice. Blue, share. Wade, I'm actually more fun than a post, if you'd believe it. But I want to go see Jarvis, so the other avengers won't see me.” Peter recited, he was already heading for the closest elevator. Which left Wade to follow behind him.   
  
“Oh, right.” Wade glanced back the way they had come, then jogged up to the elevator beside him. “Ever the mysterious one,” he teased, and leaned towards Peter to bump shoulders.   
  
Peter leaned away from wade, and watched his movements like a spider hawk. Wade recovered by leaning the extra way to press the down button on the elevator. His movements were smooth enough that it seemed intensional.  
  
Like a freaking goof for brains Peter hadn’t pressed the damn thing himself. He glared down at the traitorous button.   
  
He was ‘content’ to just leave the scoreboard as it was;  
  
Wilson: ||||  
  
Parker: ||  
  
“And I thought I brought a whole new meaning to blind dates, but baby boy you take the cake.” Wade stated, and watched the white numbering light up and count down to their floor. Peter was gawking at Wade, as his characteristic grin formed across his face.  
  
The boxes had stopped bickering, and a beat of heavy quiet filled the hallway.   
  
The ping of the elevator obliterated it, and like a veil being lifted Peter opened his big stupid mouth. 

“Well you're sure one to talk! You're always whining!” Peter defended. He was glad for the mask because it hid the un-characteristic shade of red his cheeks and ears turned. Or as un-characterist the same shade of red as his visors could get for him.   
  
“S’not how I meant it. But now you're having a tantrum,” Wade clarified defensively. He pressed the 31st button, then pressed three more just for the hell of it. Peter slapped his hand away before he could get to the forth.   
  
“Am not!” Peter fussed. Just as Wade reached out to the panel for the second time Peter flicked Wade's finger and smirked. Wade cradled it to his chest, and pouted out his bottom lip.   
  
The next two floors came and went one after the other, the Boys didn't pause in their banter long enough to notice the doors open and close.   
  
“You so are!” Like a switch being flicked or a button being pressed, a determined look overtook Wade’s face. Wade side stepped Peter and then faced him, which put his back to the panel. Peter lunged for the hand but it smacked down before he could snatch it. Four extra floors were added to their cache.   
  
One extra point was added to to Wade's scoreboard.   
  
A forth ping came from the elevator, but Peter didn't look away from Wade. He just glared harder as they came and went, with all the vengeance of a woman scorned. Wade beamed down at him, equal waves of pride and amusement rolled off of him.  
  
At least they were halfway to their destination, despite Wade’s best efforts. Not that it did Peter a lick of good now.  
  
  
[[End me.]]  
  
((The fu… Are we supposed to tell you to stop bickering now??))  
  
“We are not bickering,” Peter grumbled. Wade tried to hold back giggles, while Peter tried to push the lug into the opposite corner of the elevator. That struggle alone took them through two more floors.  
  
“I for one say we are,” Wade sung back, but at least he stayed put. Good thing too, because the next step for Peter was to web him to the wall, facing the corner.  
  
[[We could have started with that step.]]  
  
“Well you for one are wrong.” Peter quipped.  
  
((What's the fun in that?))  
  
Finally – and only because Peter kept close watch of the nuisance in the room- the elevator doors opened to headquarters. Peter tossed his head back and stuck his tongue out at Wade. Wade pulled his eye lid downwards, with a finger and stuck his tongue out right back.  
  
[[Can he read our—]]  
  
((Mind?!))  
  
[[Features you dolt.]]   
  
The thought made Peter feel less anxious then he expected it would.   
  
  
  
He had hardly taken a step into the lobby before they were ambushed.  
  
“Mr. Wilson, welcome home. I see you have brought an unauthorized guest.”   
  
It was sort of eerie how Peter couldn't actually pinpoint the voice, and it threw his senses for a loop. But that didn't matter, this was the world renown J.A.R.V.I.S for goodness sakes. It even came equipped with the charming English accent and everything!   
  
  
“Hey Jarvis you ready to go on a date with me? Because your about to be turned off sooo good, you'll never want to go on another one again.” Peter blurted, and didn't even try to keep himself from bouncing on the spot. His hands were balled in excited little fists in front of his chin, and were shaking.  
  
“I like your level of self esteem there."   
  
Peter blinked back at Wade, he had almost forgotten that he was even there. Mostly because Wade hadn’t tried his darnedest to mess with him, and had been quiet. Peter grinned.   
  
And it was off to the races.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp see you all in two weeks :> hope you liked the random splurge of frequent updates, and their content in general. I had so much fun writing most of it
> 
>  
> 
> PLEASe let me know if theres anything you guys want to see,


	14. Chapter 14

First and foremost Peter would like to point out that Widow was a filthy liar. That, and that she couldn't tell him what to do. Peter jumped onto the desk chair in his excitement, and he forced his interlocked fingers forward on his sixth, and last spin in it. The cracking filled the quiet room and made Wade shiver, much more grossed out then he wanted to let on. But he shook it off like a puppy shook off water, and went to find a chair of his own. Rusty wheels scrapped against the tile floors in bursts of sound, as Wade scooted up beside the criminal. So close to him, that it made him wonder if Wade even knew what personal space was. Peter raised a brow underneath his mask.  
  
Wade _smiled_ like a puppy too.  
  
Peter shook his head of it, and set his fingers to the holographic keyboard. At least Wade caught on quick, he pulled his phone out and started tapping away at the screen. Content to ignore him Peter mimicked the avenger, until Wade's dorky expression drew him back in. His fingers caught, frozen where they had landed on the keys. A touch of tongue popped out of the corner of Wade's mouth, and his brows knitted together in concentration. Did he need to text like an apsolute morron? Peter tore his eyes back to the screen.  
  
“Eat your heart out Widow!" 

 

 

Secondly, Peter should of stated that he and Widow had more in common than he wanted to admit. Mostly in the lying department. But shoulds and woulds didn’t have to correlate.

After fifteen minutes of failed attempts, quips from Jarvis, his boxes, and poorly covered giggles from Wade; Peter had had enough. He rested his head on his forearms and groaned. It wasn't that he _couldn’t_ break in; it was just that he was excited, the cheesy music from Wade's phone was too loud, he liked talking to Jarvis, and he left his good shoes at home. Peter was _good_ at breaking into things, he was just _distracted_. Break ins were half his job. He had broken in to the Avengers base for Christ sakes!  
  
[[Funny, because none of other 56 attempts worked.]]

((Wade practically hand delivered us here.))

Wade had been mostly silent. But with a few last taps on his phone, he pocketed it, and scooted over.  
  
"I can give it a go if you'd like," Wade offered. Peter scoffed. The guy typed with his pointers for shit sakes.  
  
"Do you moonlight as a hacker after all your Avengering?" Peter stared dead ahead at the desk ornament in front of him, and didn't look up. It should have burst into flames with the hole he glared into it, but the universe was never so kind to him.  
  
"I have all sorts of neat abilities that you'd know nothing about, because you haven't asked me," Wade complained, and upturned his nose. It lasted less than a second before Wade booted Peter’s chair out of the way, bumper-car style. He pulled down the floating keyboard and typed as if it were a real one. When Peter's chair stopped rolling across the floor he saw Wade in all his tongue-poking-out, face-scrunching-up glory.

  
That smug look was blown right off his face, along with his mind not even a minute later. Wade shutdown Jarvis in two shakes of a stick.  
  
"th—that's Bullshit!" Peter Sputtered. The look he gave Wade was dumbstruck and lost, and maybe just a little bit jealous—no, no, no, not jealous. Strike that out from this fic. In fact he was taking it right out of his vocabulary. Peter made _other_ people envious.  
  
((Hey what gives anyway? aren't you supposed to be some child prodigy super genius.))  
  
Peter’s eyes snapped towards the box, clearly frustrated. Blue backed down. But 'Peter' had to focus all his energy into not sticking his tongue out like an immature teenager.   
  
[[He’s a biologist.]]  
  
((Exactly!))  
  
[[ _Sigh_...]]  
  
"That’s why I'm the Avenger," Wade boasted, and tore Peter back to the matter at hand. He hooked his thumbs in imaginary suspenders, and glowed with pride.  
  
"In training!" Peter shot back. In a moment of petty desperation, he stepped down on the handhold of Wade's chair. He just needed the upper hand, and with Wade bouncing low to the ground he got it. It was a cheap play: But Wade hadn't expected it.  
  
((Shots Fired!)  
  
"I've been working with them for years!" Wade didn't look cross, But he really couldn't while he pumped his chair back to its previous height. Instead his face was flushed with petty embarrassment.  
  
[[Now I smell bullshit]]  
  
((Yea if that were really true we would have heard of you by now.))  
  
[[And he’s getting defensive.]]  
  
Peter cocked an eyebrow, and eyed Wade quietly. For his boxes to be agreeing on something, they must be real worried. Wade didn't notice in the midst of his pumping.  
  
((Phrasing!))  
  
[[We are _not_ doing that.]]  
  
"So how'd you do it?”    
  
“Sounds like your trying to get a magician to reveal his tricks.” Wade said, relaxing in his chair. Peter was half aware that he kept talking, something about agendas and moving on or whatever. But the boxes smothered the sound. Kinda like his head had been submerged under water.  
  
[[So he is tricking us.]]  
  
((Jesus Christ. It's just a firewall. Not hell’s gates!))  
  
[[Are truly so gullible? Spider tell me you see it.]]  
  
Peter’s eyes darted between the boxes and Wade. Wade had melted into the chair and his legs hung out lazily. Pivoting back and forth to pass the time. He looked bored. Peter's brows frowned.  
  
((What in hell would he even gain from lying?))  
  
[[You were on my side a moment ago!]]  
  
((Just about the avenger's thing! I think he's stretching the truth, y'know trying to impress us?))  
  
[[Right, I had forgotten I was talking to an idiot. How Freudian of me.]]  
  
((Take you're scientific propaganda back!))  
  
Peter drummed his fingers against his thigh, and balled them up into fists until they left impressions. Wade had started talking again. Whether it was towards him, or to fill the silence Peter didn't know. He only picked up every forth or fifth word, and couldn't make sense of it.  
  
[[I. Don't. Trust. Him.]]  
  
((You don't trust anyone, you're paranoid. And ruining a good thing is like.. your guys’ bit.))  
  
“Better that then naïve.” Peter breathed.  
  
"What?"  
  
"What," he said, Purposely channeling all the attitude of a moody pre-teen. They stared at each other, until Peter kicked the handheld again. Wade groaned exasperated, as he went down. Peter made his breakaway for the door, and behind him Wade's sputtering laugh filled the room.

 

 


End file.
